


An Unexpected Relationship

by flibbertygigget



Series: An Unexpected Universe [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Homophobia, Kid Fic, Queer Themes, Queer not used as a slur, Queer used as a slur, Realistic (unfortunately)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 14:52:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flibbertygigget/pseuds/flibbertygigget
Summary: Petunia had been nervous from the moment Marge’s letter had shown up on the doorstep of Spinner’s End.Or: Petunia may be becoming a better person, but she isn't there yet. Severus is shocked.





	An Unexpected Relationship

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [Une relation inattendue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17276756) by [Matteic_FR (Matteic)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matteic/pseuds/Matteic_FR)



Petunia had been nervous from the moment Marge’s letter had shown up on the doorstep of Spinner’s End. She had never liked her sister-in-law, not really. She had no desire to have another person like Vernon intrude on the life she was trying to build away from him, and she wanted her Dudley exposed to Marge’s own brand of… well, _abnormality_ as little as possible. But Petunia wasn’t the sort to deny anyone interaction with their only nephew, not outright at least, so she decided to put responding to the damn thing in Snape’s hands.

Besides, let _him_ be the bad guy for once.

She threw the letter in front of him at breakfast one Saturday morning. Her Dudley wasn’t there – it was Vernon’s weekend with the boy – but Harry immediately looked up from his toast with blatant curiosity. Snape hardly glanced at the letter, but she could tell that he wasn’t as absorbed in the weekend edition of the _Daily Prophet_ as he pretended to be.

“Well?” she said.

“Well what?” Snape replied. He had apparently decided that he was going to pretend not to have seen the thing.

“Read it.” After a few more moments he did so, taking an obnoxious amount of time to open the envelope and scan what was really quite a short letter. Eventually he refolded the letter and set it aside, reaching once again for his newspaper. “Well?”

“She’ll have to come on a weekend,” Snape said, sounding irritated at being interrupted once again, “seeing as I’ll have to cast concealment charms on all the Statute-breaking shite around here.”

“Swear jar,” Harry piped in immediately. Snape rolled his eyes, but he did fish into his dressing gown and slide Knut over to the boy, who jumped up and put it in the small cauldron on the end of the counter.

Petunia smirked to herself. The swear jar (well, swear _cauldron_ ) had been one of her own initiatives, put into place when she had been called to Dudley and Harry’s school one too many times over their appalling language. Snape had been to blame, of course, him and his typical working-class incivility, so it had been up to Petunia to take action.

The swear jar had been a resounding success, so much so that the only member of the household who still contributed to it was Snape himself, and she had never really had hope for him in the first place. It was in the blood, as Marge would say. Petunia could still remember the one and only time she had ever met the infamous Toby Snape – she had acquired a multitude of curses and swear words that day, in addition to an even greater fear of the type to live on the wrong side of the River Irk.

“Never mind the swear jar,” Petunia said impatiently. That finally got Snape’s attention. “Don’t you realize what Marge coming here means?”

“Of course. Will you require white or red wine?”

“As though you know anything about that,” she said. “No, I mean that I thought that you of all people would want that woman as far away as possible.” Snape stared.

“Whatever for?” he said.

“Well, you know, she isn’t quite the right sort.”

“Neither am I, and you so generously permit me to visit.”

“You know that’s not what I mean. She has a very respectable bulldog breeding business, nothing blue collar or vulgar.”

“I’m a bloody professor!”

“As I said, vulgar. This isn’t about Marge’s state in life, this is about, well,” Petunia lowered her voice, hoping that Harry either wouldn’t hear or wouldn’t understand, “you _do_ realize she’s a bit queer.”

“Yes, that generally is the state of things with lesbians,” said Snape, not bothering to lower his voice. Petunia gaped at him, shocked and scandalized. “What? Surely you don’t expect me to have an issue with _that_? I am a wizard, you know, for all I grew up in a Muggle dung heap.”

“But wouldn’t your sort know how to fix it?” Snape looked at her, apparently uncomprehending. “I mean, you have _magic_. Why wouldn’t you set it right?”

“Petunia, your ideas of right and wrong are, unfortunately, quite Muggle. While the Wizarding World has its own… issues… legislation against homosexuality isn’t one of them. Not even the vilest of Sorcerers would lower themselves to consider _that_.” Petunia was horribly aware of how her eyes had to be bugging out of her head.

“But – But you’re _wizards_ ,” she said feebly. “You use quills and – and parchment. You haven’t got steam power, for God’s sake, how on earth are you so…”

“Why, Petunia, and here I was thinking that you hated us for being backwards. Surely this ought to please you. And of course we have steam power; you’ve seen the Hogwarts Express.” Petunia shook her head, baffled. She had _thought_ she hated them for that, for being backwards, uncivilized, for acting high and mighty when they couldn’t operate a phone. But now there was this, and she was stuck, stuck between what she had assumed and what she now had to face, stuck in the horrifying realization that she hated them for the exact opposite – and it was very difficult to hate someone for being the opposite of what you thought them to be.

“But your _parents_ …” she managed, grasping at straws. Snape rolled his eyes.

“Some people are capable of changing their opinions when they find that their upbringing was hogwash,” he said. “Just because you never managed it doesn’t mean I can’t. Have you ever heard of Grindelwald?”

“What?” Petunia said, startled by the sudden change of tack. “I’ve heard of him, but only from…”

“Well, he was the Dark Lord before the Dark Lord existed – although really he was significantly less evil. He wanted to overturn the Statute of Secrecy, break up the old Wizarding Empires, and rule over the Muggles.”

“Well, _you’d_ call that _less_ ,” Petunia managed to spit. Snape didn’t even blink.

“Of course. The Dark Lord wanted to exterminate Muggles and Muggleborns. Grindelwald, on the other hand… he really did believe that wizard domination was for the Muggles’ own good. Oscar Wilde, the Eulenburg affair… those were what shaped his ideology in his teens and twenties. He was quite likely some flavor of queer himself, and he was terrified that, if wizards didn’t do something quickly, our morals and our laws would be influenced by yours, which seem quite as backward to us as ours seem to you.” Severus shrugged. “I can’t say that Grindelwald was wrong. It hasn’t happened yet, certainly, but I know how dangerous it was for me in the Muggle world, at least before Da kicked the bucket. And the more integration of Muggle values, the more likely it is for things to become dangerous even in the Wizarding World.”

“It’s not a matter of danger, it’s a matter of morals.”

“Maybe for you,” Snape said. He turned back to his paper. “Invite Dudley’s aunt over next weekend. Tell her to bring her girlfriend.” Petunia could only nod numbly. She had a lot of thinking to do.

* * *

Petunia was no closer to coming to terms with… well, with all that had been revealed when, a week later, there was an inevitable knock the door. She told Harry and Dudley to keep an eye on the beans so they didn’t burn and bustled into the hallway, reaching the door just as Snape reached the foot of the stairs.

“I’ve got it,” she snapped at him, more nervous than she’d like to admit. He just shrugged, the smug bastard. Petunia opened the front door to reveal Marge, as tall and powerfully built as ever. It took her another moment to notice the woman that was presumably Marge’s new… paramour.

She was short, especially next to Marge, and a bit dumpy for Petunia’s taste, but she had a cheerful, heart-shaped face and beautiful chestnut-brown hair. Petunia supposed that, as far as significant others went, Marge could have done worse, at least as far as first glances went.

“Marge, it’s good to see you,” she said, not lying as much as she expected. “I suppose this is your…”

“It’s Charity,” the woman said, holding out her hand. “Charity Bur-“

“What the _fuck_?” Petunia jumped. She had almost forgotten Snape was there. Charity jumped as well, and then she peeked around Petunia. Her face lit up in an impish grin.

“Severus!” she said. “You’re just about the last person I expected to see. How are you?” Petunia turned to see Snape looking flabbergasted.

“Seriously, what the absolute fuck?” he said.

“That’s two for the swear jar,” Petunia said.

“Oh, piss off,” Snape said absent-mindedly. “Charity, when were you planning on telling us you had a girlfriend?”

“It’s really nobody’s business but my own – and Marge’s, of course.”

“Yes, but this would have been the perfect opportunity to stop Rolanda. Or do you _like_ her trying to set us up?”

“Well, if you were a girl…”

“You two know each other?” Marge said, sounding hopelessly confused. Charity smiled at her. It made Petunia’s stomach clench to see how obviously in love they were.

“We’re colleagues,” she said. “Severus teaches chemistry. We’re the only two who haven’t been teaching since the Norman Conquest, so everyone assumes that we ought to be going out.”

“Which, quite frankly, is rich coming from Rolanda. Everyone knows that she and Poppy have been together for two decades.”

“You’re just upset because she’s the only one who can beat you at poker.”

“MUM! BEANS ARE BURNING!” Dudley yelled from the kitchen.

“BLOODY STIR THEM THEN!” Snape yelled back.

“SWEAR JAR!” came Harry’s voice. Snape made a very rude gesture that made Petunia thankful that Harry’s magic hadn’t manifested as X-ray vision yet. She turned back to Marge and Charity, who were both looking very amused.

“So, this is your new man. I like him,” Marge declared. Petunia felt herself going red.

“Oh, no, we’re not together,” she said.

“Thank Merlin,” Snape added fervently.

“Ah, good. So my bet is safe,” Charity said.

“You lot are betting on who I’m theoretically dating?” Snape said.

“Of course,” Charity said. “I’ve got twenty G- quid on a secret husband who lives in Jamaica.”

“Well, you’ve lost.” Marge laughed.

“Charity, you have to introduce me to more of your colleagues,” she said. “They seem like a hoot.”

“Maybe we could arrange the Queer Poker Club to meet here instead of at Minerva’s,” Charity said, winking at Snape.

“Only if you plan on bringing your own bloody chairs.”

“Swear jar,” Marge and Petunia said. Snape looked at them in disgust.


End file.
